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Yesterday I had at session. I asked why we were not dealing with this crap and she said I was not stable enough now. I am bipolar and seem to stay in a deep depression most of the time. Right now I feel like I want to step in front of a moving bus. It's 5am and I want to sleep. I took my meds at 9pm and fell asleep ok but woke 3 hours later. I guess I should be thankful I slept 3 hours but I am so tired. So I dod what I have been doing alot just writing. I am afraid that when I start to deal with this crap it will trigger more fb's and other memories. I know more about my childhood today than I did 35 years ago. I remember the vicious beatings, the psychological abuse, and sexual abuse. I do wish that crap had stayed blocked. I also know that dealing with this crap will be as hard a going through it the first time. I'm scared I have opened pandora's box and will have to pay the price for doing so. I see my life as over.
ConfusedOne
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