It comes out in inflection. My wife talks to me like that - where she will ask a question and I feel such deep pain - and she says "all I wanted was information". Inflection, when used in discussion, is like a second language. Watch movies and tv - the artists there use inflection to decorate their words. Imagine watching a movie where talk had no inflection. It would be so uninteresting, "cardboard", boring.

Now, when is inflection hurtful to others? When it implies something. Your question about the computer implies that you expected him to react without being asked and you were questioning why he wasn't actually helping already. And, when you ask in such a way that hurts him - the nice thing is he asked what is wrong rather than feel hurt and walk off. Sounds like he has some good skills there to note it.

Questions that hurt (me, at least):
- "why would you do that?"
- "didn't you see I needed help?"
- "I told you already, weren't you listening?"

Stuff like that hurts because it can be taken as accusitory. I've worked pretty hard over the years to "sanitize" her words such that I look at the words, and not inflection. It's *very* hard to do. I love music. I hear stuff in music others don't. I love music with inflection. So, this may be why inflection touches me in such ways.

The guys on CarTalk (PBS) say this when they want a woman to ask for help (say this in a nice tone): "I'm in trouble and I really need your help." That'll come across well since you ask someone to help but make it sound like the help will be appreciated.

I think some folks should go through acting school when they're young so they can better understand the delicate nature of the spoken language. Look around for stuff out there. Youtube has some people talking about inflection: