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greenidentity · Feb 17, 2009, 05:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lenny

Hi greenidentity...I like your username BTW...

Do the two of you talk about this issue?

If so,,describe the communication...

Is there something about you that doesn't fit him...has he expressed this?

If so,,can each of you work on these aspects of yourselves,,create small but achieveable goals to measure your progress and reward each other when success is achieeved...maybe a weekend away?....

Love is a wonderfull feeling and in its purest form it has no expectations. But we do need to make it from one day to the next and there are basic life skills that allow Love to breath in its purest form...

With Care,

Lenny

Thanks! green is my favorite color.

I have fully expressed my frustratations to him. I feel like i've tried "everything" Such as: offering to help, getting upset, completely leaving the issue alone. He really doesn't cooperate with me at all, only saying he knows he has a lot of things to get in order, but then he doesnt take even one step to do so. It's gotten to the point where anytime I say anything, it's just nagging. He won't meet me halfway, and it's his life so of course I can't make him do anything.

He hasn't expressed any upset/issue with me specifically. We recently took a break (no talking or contact), because I really needed to just....think. Throughout, he sent me a few texts saying he missed me. He tells me often that I'm wonderful, and he truly loves me. He even says he's afraid I won't really beleieve him. He is constantly reassuring me...even though I rarely ask for it. So I can't see any issue he may have with me... I'm sure he doesnt like it when I "nag." However, I feel like I can't talk to him about my frustrations without it being interpreted that way. But then he will turn around and say "i know that I'm not doing what I should be doing." *AGH!!*

I've really tried to help. Telling him I can help him take small steps and get his finances in order e.t.c. I'm highly organized, so I have a lot to offer. But he never follows through....like I said he has extremely bad ADD. He has no health insurance or any spare money at all, so he cant get help.

Working out a reward system seems like a good idea...but I have little faith it will work. I have a hard time putting my foot down and start making ultimatums, because I don't want to be mean or seem manipulative. So I try to work with him, it doest work, I get upset, get crabby, withdraw, rinse and repeat. I feel like I'm not being fair..or nice enough. But I also cant stand this lack of structure, and it's affecting me emotionally!!!!