Unconditional love.....I had that for my wife. She was VERY destructive to me and the marriage. Even when she was destructive I tried to help her out. I truely understood her when she said that "You can only help somebody so much before they have to help themself" She was referring to her mother in that statement but I find that it is true about her too. I exhausted myself trying to make her more independant and goal oriented. Only she can change herself. It was a hard lesson to learn but a lesson nonetheless.
If you two are relying on each other for financial support, ie living together, personally i do not think that there is anything wrong with having expectations.
I do not think Lenny was not saying you are a bad person.