Oh boy. Well, first off - welcome. I see it's your first post.

Was it your first/only time? Were you "shopping" around at all prior? Was it an "accident" (one time thing) or something you worked up to with someone you knew?

I'll admit that I did the same thing you did but in a pretty complicated situation. That was back in '04. It was painful for me and my wife, I put her through a lot. It has stained our marriage but she did say she forgave me. Right now, our marriage is very "minimal". We love each other but are kind of more "room mates with two great kids". I worry most about how we will be when the kids move out for college in a few years.

Time heals a bit - but if you guys are young and she has resources (family support, a job, etc.) then she may be "gone". She has a right to be gone in terms of how we "label" situations like this within the marriage. My wife had a right to either blow me off or forgive me. I don't think we ever came to the conclusion about why I did it, though. I'll admit - it is/was more complicated than your situation.

You're going to have to give her space (I moved out for a few months). I think you'll need to start talking though - you have your two sons and rights to see them. She canot legally leave the state either - so you may want to start talking to a lawyer to find out your rights.

If you guys were a close couple before this - you may just want to put it all out there and say 'look, I'm sorry and I want to talk about this - maybe using a mediator/family therapist". Resolving it isn't easy. And, like I had to, you have to realize that she just may stay away.