Hi. Sorry you're having such a hard time with this. Boy, do I know how hard it can be to be cancelled and changed around like that.

One thing that stuck out for me in your post was that you said this cancellation makes you feel like all the other times you got 'left on your own' to deal with everything. I can understand that. When things happen that remind us of similar abusive or neglectful experiences from our past, it hurts.

I don't know if this will help you or not, but even though those feelings have been triggered I wonder if there is a part of you that can reassure you about this differences this time round? What I mean is... although the result is the same (you are alone right now) there are crucial differences this time than from whatever may have happened in the past. Your T has cancelled not because she doesn't care about you or is neglecting you, but because she is sick. She probably feels quite rotten about cancelling, but needs to do it for the sake of her own health. (I know you know all of this stuff, but your triggered feeling part most likely does not). Your T *will* see you again, as soon as she can, because she cares, because she is committed to you, and because she will not abandon you. She has not left... she is simply asking you to 'hold on'. Hold on just a little while - she will be back.

As I said, I know your thinking self probably knows all this already... but your feeling self may not. Thinking self knows that you 'shouldn't' feel this way. But 'shouldn't' and the reality of emotions are often two different things. Is there a way you could bring that knowledge to your feelings to give the whole of you some comfort?

I know how hard that therapy dance can be. Hope you find some peace soon.