(((((((((((((Erin))))))))))))))) How did you stop before? What methods did you use, did you talk to anyone about this at all?

You have NO reason to be ashamed. You're trying to cope, and even though people can't understand that doesn't mean what you're doing is "bad" ... it just is harmful, overall. I know it's hard to "come clean" and tell someone... but is there anyone you trust enough to tell?