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Thank you, everyone for all your support. It has really helped me hang on the past few days.
Therapy went well. I think we got to the bottom of some stuff. I think. I think he has more of a handle on what is going on with me now. I hope so. I am not totally sure I do.
I gave him the SI tool.
He said he did not want to put me in the hospital.
He said he would only put me in the hospital if I told him I was "unsafe".
He asked if I was at that point and asked me to tell him if I ever got to that point.
He said he would help me.
He said he would never, ever give up on me.
It released some pressure. I felt a bit of hope. I had over a whole hour of feeling a bit less crappy. It was good.
He said he would never, ever give up on me.
But just now I realized that I never said, "does that mean you won't terminate if I SI? Because I have it in writing that you will terminate if I SI"
In 2 emails he said he would terminate. The first, he said he would terminate if I cut. In the second he said by cutting I would be making the choice to terminate with him.
Did he change his mind? Does this mean if I SI, he won’t terminate now? I am confused.
But still grateful for that hour of hope.
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