Emmy, it's been so long since someone sincerely worried about me! Please don't apologize.

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If "you don't want this", then it doesn't need to happen.

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Crazy as it sounds, thanks for giving me permission to tell him "No."

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From what I can tell, you have not really ended your relationship with your hubby yet.

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I've "loved" the man for 30 yrs. He just did his usual disappearing act last Friday. No, I haven't ended my relationship with Jerry yet. Don't know that I ever will. My heart is pretty stupid and pretty stubborn.

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I don't feel like it's safe now, when you are emotionally ....um..whacked, to start a new relationship.

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I'm ALWAYS "emotionally whacked" in this department. That's why I grew my "fat cocoon." I thought it would keep me emotionally safe from intruders.

Jerry called a few minutes ago and said he'd "be at 'your' place in a couple of hours." Of course, I'm reading between the lines. I'm sure I know what his plans are. There's two ways of looking at this. One, I get my freedom and independence back. I won't have to put up with any more abuse. Two, did I say "independence"? I'll need to depend on someone to take me anywhere I need to go. The only one that I'm comfortable with pushing me in the wheelchair is Jerry. Don't even like my best friend doing it!!

(I don't want to be here when Jerry starts taking all of his accumulated junk out of here!!!!! It's gonna hurt so damn bad!!!)

I'M TOO OLD FOR THIS KIND OF CRAP!!