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Sorry, I don't have a reply but DO have a problem and it hurts me....a lot!
My sister is about to come and stay with my partner & I for a few days, perhaps more, I don't know. She wants to think about whether she wants to separate from her spouse. She has multiple emotional disorders as well as physical health problems.
Monday night while discussing her and my BIL with my partner, he basically said that he's surprised his BIL has stuck it out as long as he has with my sister (this yr will be their 3rd. yr of marriage). He also added that no man would be able to handle her moods. Recently my partner and my BIL have bonded and next week, both men are going to a city an hour's drive south. My partner will be asking, maybe point blank, what's going on with their marriage.
My partner told me Monday night, "I'm sorry, but that's the way I feel."
She's staying with us and my partner has a problem with hygiene, he HATES long hairs, especially hers. Plus, she'll be bringing her dog and cat and the dog, she sheds and the thought of her hair on the carpet, is mortifying to him.
My partner and I have hashed this out, quite a bit over the past several weeks.
The major problem with my BIL is that he won't open up emotionally and considers any questions as being "interrogated" so, needless to say, counselling hasn't worked because he doesn't see their marriage as having any problems. When they first met, he felt that sharing was a novelty and at some point, that abruptly stopped. He's not big on telling how he feels and that's become a major problem between them. He feels their marraige is okay as long as there are no "deep" conversations. I've tried explaining to my partner that in a marriage, it takes communication from both partners for a marriage to work.
My sister is a hyper sensitive individual and is easily hurt. BIL can be decent, loving, somewhat sensitive and caring but he can turn 360 degrees and blame her questions about them, on her. She hasn't been eating much if anything due to emotional stress and sleeps a lot if he gets verbally nasty, criticisms, putdowns. He's done it while my partner and I have visited, done it while visiting us.
I like him, did feel fond of him but HATE his behaviour.
I felt incredibly numb and my stomach very tense Monday night and was very quiet. Shocked is probably closer to what I felt. I told him if he gets an e-mail from both of them, that's okay cause she sends me the same e-mail but I also added that if he gets an e-mail from my BIL, I don't need to know about it. I added that if I get an e-mail regarding her stay here and what happens should she decide to live here while struggling to get back on her feet, I wouldn't send it to him. He's unfortunately, like his late mother, quite judgmental.

I'm sorry this isn't a response to those needing help re: the title communication - where did I go wrong? That is my question too.
Thanks if anyone's reading this. I really need to know how anyone feels about what was said by my partner and yes, he has a right to his opinion but he's so insensitive to what emotional issues are and how they affect people. I have many of the same but not to the degree she does. He told me, again, Monday, something like, well you don't act that way.