I'm chuffed too!! I know, I know.. I'm just scared of crying in front of people.. You know why.. I'm working on it.. Three people have seen me cry now :/ and one of them was Chris. He was talking to me about some real difficult stuff and asking questions and such. I said I needed a hug, so he hugged me and I cried. He didn't notice, though, but I think he could feel the shaking a bit.. I told him last night that I'd cried when he hugged me and he said "aww. Don't be embarrassed about it, it'd a good thing." so.. I'm like *yay!*

Ummm.. Well.. I CAN deal with it, but I guess when I'm angry and upset, in the spur of the moment, I just can't deal with it. I will start telling them if I do get angry or upset and feel like I can't deal with it. Promise.

Man, my muscles hurt after today..

It's all written in my post in anxiety, panic and phobias. I see you read it, Sannah
I'm going to start trying different things, just like I did with Connor and I. I was too scared to call a break between us because of what it'd do to him, and to me in some ways, but in the end, I knew it was best for us to have some time apart and to heal ourselves for a while, so I did it. I guess he just needed to realise that I can't always concentrate on being the only one working on making the relationship better and such and that he needs to help me sometimes, with the relationship and with my issues, instead of just standing back and letting me struggle.. I see he's started to do that now.. But it's going to be another week or two before everything's finalised, so it's another week or two until we get back together as the couple we once were, but better if that makes sense :/

I think now that I'm going to be seeing separate counsellors that specialise in separate things, I'll start to find it easier to figure things out instead of just working on one thing, or everything at the same time in one 1hr long session. That just confuses me.

Let's just hope things start to look up more.. Last night, I dissociated again.. For quite a while too and almost OD'd again, had the pills in front of me and everything. But then my phone buzzed and I came out of it and realised what I was doing and answered my phone. *phew* that was close. I just hope it doesn't happen again...