Wow, all these things that you guys have said. You've written down in such a simple way things that I feel I must read everyday.
It is true, when I was with him I really did have low self esteem. I hated my job, my boss was quite chauvinistic and I really suffered through my day, I felt worthless and when I was with him, restricted in that little room I was in fact telling myself "well, at least I have this". He gave me scraps of his version of love and I used those to feed myself for the following days or weeks. Although I was with him, meaning that I had human company with me, honestly I felt alone. I had mentioned this to him several times. He could never comprehend this.
Patty.....you KNOW about this. You have really been here. All the things you've said did something to me. Your assumptions of him were spot on. Your descriptions basically draw his picture. I was emotionally abused by him and these are injuries that are not visible. I feel sick to my stomach and angry with myself for putting up with it. Why was I this stupid? How could I sit there and take it by I person like this?
I have to find a way to give value to myself. I've neglected myself and I have always put my needs and wants aside and give others the priority. Even now when I meet guys, even if I see them interested, I catch myself saying "naaa....let this one go, he can do so much better. Why ruin his life by messing around with me? Give him a chance to find better". Honestly, this is always what goes in my head. I'm still unable to reason why would anyone want to stick around in my life, with me. Got to work on that one. I have to find a way to see me as a valuable person.