What I'm finding difficult in this "coming out" or in my mind "coming clean" process is my difficulty with being kind/understanding to myself. As I've reflected...I keep thinking of all the defensive, stupid things I've done over the years because of fear and skewed thinking. I keep thinking HOW STUPID of you for letting it affect your whole life.

Mentioned in the thread of responses were comments about telling friends. I had a good (present day) friend over my house a few weeks ago. We were having a good private conversation that ventured into our childhoods. I happen to mention something about the dynamic between my mother and I and how much of a little b*&ch I was as a kid. My friend got quiet and said to me..."You sounded like very angry child then. Are you ever going to tell me what really happened to you?" I just took another sip of my beer and we let the conversation shift to lighter topics.

After thinking I've got a handle on dealing with the regret and shame an exchange like the one described above happens in the present and I realize..."I am STILL being stupid about it and letting my feelings keep me from engaging in life even now."

I haven't really come out at all.