Thanks everyone for responding to me. Coincidentally and quite luckily, I had an appointment already scheduled with my psychiatrist for today, so it was helpful to go and be able to talk with him about all of this. That's not to say I'm all better or anything, but at least I am able to accept him as an authority and it helps me to allow myself to be angry at my mom. My mother has continuously done extremely damaging and painful things to me and my siblings my entire life and I still cling anxiously for approval I will never get from her. I guess if nothing else, I have finally gained the incentive to cut her out, like I have needed to do for a very, very long time.
To give an idea of how she is and how she reacted to me finding this information, I'll paste the email she sent me this morning.
Quote:
[perpetuallysad],
[Mr. Jones] is your biological father. I don't know how that other name got on the birth certificate. I did not in 1976 get one with his name on it. I am not sure how that happened.
I will tell you this, your behavior yesterday on the phone was unacceptable. I answered the phone and you started screaming. You had taken a molehill and made a mountain, again. And you did it in front of [my son's name]. how dare you?
he is not your psychiatrist, nor is he someone you are supposed to tell your problems to, he is a CHILD, you are supposed to protect him to the best of your ability and give him the best life possible, not dump on him.
if you or [my sister's name] ask me one more time, or if you keep looking into this person and i find out, i will walk away and never speak to you, [my sister's name], [my brother's name], or any of the grandchildren again. I am dead serious about this. so remember that your actions [perpetuallysad] have far reaching consequences
do you want all of you cut out of my life just so you can go through one of your little dramas?
this is the way it is going to be, so put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
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This is the email verbatim with the exception of my family members' names. And no, I wasn't in front of my son when I called her and I wasn't screaming at her.
Anyhow, I guess, geeze, I really have no idea what to think or feel or do.