Peaches,
I don't know if it would be wrong to do that, but I had such a "parental" feeling when I was reading your post. I wanted to share what I thought. You acted like a child who was processing difficult feelings of anger and abandonment-- not that it is bad to be like a child. (I am one a lot of the time). But T stepped in as mom, and she did these nurturing things, and I bet she completely understood that you weren't quite ready to let her back into your heart yet. I have often found that sometimes my compassion for my own kids is highest when they are least likely to receive it well or appreciate it. Also, my kids tend to be most horribly behaved whenever we've had particularly close times together, because they feel it's safe to be angry or mad or expressive when they feel most loved. (weird huh?)

The point I think, is that T knows those feelings and the inability to attach came from your place of hurt over missing her. That you couldn't fully appreciate her nurturance right then is probably something she gets. It might be great to redo the ceremony when you can both appreciate it, but it just seems that maybe it's unnecessary too. T's give, like many good moms or dads give, without expecting a return a lot of the time. They love, so we can learn to love ourselves, and it is that skillful parenting that makes us love them, and miss them terribly when they're gone.

Just my two cents, and I think it would be good to talk about it with T, but I don't think she will view you as bad or ungrateful or anything for this.

Kkins9