I haven't posted much or been on in quite awhile. Things were pretty good. I haven't SI in 3 years, but I feel myself slipping. I've been "mentally ill" for years. Borderline mostly. I've known it was something more physical than mental that was wrong but I had to stay out of mental health for awhile before anyone would take me serious and not just say it's all in your head. God I hate that phrase. It turns out I some autoimmune stuff going on thyroid and stomach and god knows what else. that was all fine and dandy but I just turned 29 last month and now my body is just falling apart. Things just keep popping up. I am going to have to have surgery but I don't know when and I have never been good with patients. After all I'm not a doctor.LOL I am at the point where I feel like SI is the last grasp of control I have. The biggest problem and saving grace right now is that my whole body is literally an open book for about 3 doctors so there is no place to hide it. What scares me is it is so different than when I was younger.It's like instead of having to fight an unplanned urge I am conciously wanting to. I am so lost. I really have no family support which makes it all that much more hard. My mother would simply say "it's all in your head" or "you created it". What can I do with that? Sorry about the ramble I just needed to vent in a place where people understand the SI aspect of it. Anybody have any thoughts or ideas I could use the connection.