Well first of all thank you both CSC and sannah for posting.

Let me get this out there. IM NOT GOING to do that......I just cant STAND the urges!!!!!! a little bit of everything all stockpiled nicely in my feeble little brain is enough to set me off.

Mom is moved. finally! one less thing to worry about. My real parents died. (cant say im sorry there) and left me with my B@@@@@@ brother and two homes. he took one and i took one. lawyers said theres a 5 year statute of limitations on how long bill collectors can come after heirs. So here i am 5 years later. and i see on public display. that in january my DEAD bio mother applied to purchase one of the two family homes for back taxes my brother never paid.....ok stopping there. So fast forward to today, just feel like hes "after me" again. but yet never tries to help me end this. I just want the freakin house in my name and sell it and get as far away as i can from him. I live RIGHT DOWN THE STREET!!!!!! I see him once a week. I HATE IT!!!!! and i am stuck. right now its all i got and he aint gettin it. Just out of spite i will go broke to get this house in my name. I just want to get ahead. I know it sounds like whining but i have no kids, live less than check to check. have diabetes, asthma, and btw let me begin by saying i am in CONTROL of my diabetes. becasue I bust my ***** to make sure my numbers are stellar! I deserve a break. I want one! I shop at thrift stores (no complaints here!) dont pay for ANYTHING full price. do NOT go out to eat. I am a great cook. If you can sell it for 15.00 a plate, I can figure a way to make it at home, BETTER! Ive always been bad with money but in the last 3 years, i am a SAINT!!!!! no exaggeration at ALL.

not the point. I just want a break.

there IS good news however. husband has insurance so i can go back to therapy....Ok so i got one break. Now for the next year i need to play "catch up" on all the bills i ditched to keep afloat.

I just want to be able to buy a cup of coffee if i want one!!!!! I want to do something else than skate by. I know it sounds like whining. but geez. ive almost lost my house twice in the last 3 years, all i do is work. 10-12 hour days. and lately on weekends too - I know there are people worse off. I appreciate what i DO have. OK maybe i AM being whiny.

I want a break. One month, one day, one FREAKIN HOUR where i dont think about what or who needs to be paid. I want a cup of coffee that i have to pay for not pour at home. Heck maybe my bipolar mood swingin is bringing this on who knows.

OK....colleen is done complaining. Im sorry. responsibility overload. and a bout of depression i just cant shake. when the blues hit, i go straight for a razor. only difference is , i refuse to use it. just cant stand the urges.

me - maybe i should just go back into hiding.