I want to THANK YOU all ((((hugz)))) to Ozzie, Schatze, Sky, sundance, & Wants2fly) for your support, ideas, information, & encouragement. It really helped kick me into realizing what I knew anyway was to finally be able to find some help. I realized I was getting worse & not better but knowing where to go for help seemed to be out of view to me.

Today I had an appointment with a MFT grief counselor from the Hospice care that cared for my Mother her last 5 days. They wanted to see if they could identify if it was grief or something else that I was dealing with. They admitted that the only thing they deal with is grief but have contacts where I live with other people depending on the necessity. After an hour of talking, she determined that it was the trauma that is continually haunting me & that with that in mind she asked me if it was ok to contact several people she thought might be able to help me. I left there feeling not as frustrated as I have been becoming.

When I got home, I thought about a previous psychologist that I had near home. It was during my really dark time when I had OD'ed & ended up in a coma in the ICU on a breathing machine for several days. After that, I wasn't sure if she would even consider taking me back as a patient even if she was able to work with trauma & stress. We also have Dressage horse back riding & showing in common but have had no social contact in that area even the time we ended up belonging to the same Dressage riding club (while I was being treated by her). I talked to her office manager & set up an appointment for me in about 2 weeks. I wanted to actually to her before just showing up as a patient so had her call me this evening after she was finished. She gave me a call & I was able to explain a little about what I had gone through along with how my nausea had been effected & the hospitalizations that had occured a couple of months ago when my Mother died. She said she would be glad to take me back & suggested a game plan. With talking to her she suggested on a place to begin since getting the stress under control is important to my physical problems. I remembered that she had been more active in my treatment than just sitting there listening to me talk which is what I really need right now cause I think there might be more behind all this than I might even know. She is much more expensive since medicare only pays 1/2 of her cost but it will be worth it to get through this mess I feel like I'm in. She wants me to call tomorrow & have her receptionist give me a call when someone cancels since I really am not well physically because of it. I was really surprised because she said that she had kept a distance socially in case I ever needed to come back & see her. I remember her as being excellent even though the last time I was a complete disaster. We will see how this time goes but I feel very good about finally finding someone who is willing to work with me to get through this crap. I just want to feel a little more normal than I have since I found out that my mother had Stage IV cancer let alone how I ended up feeling after the 2 months of nightmere at the end of my Mother's life with the trauma & all.

I probably will be keeping my same Pdoc since I have no reason to change at this time even though it was much easier having both psychologist & Pdoc who were close friends that worked together. Will see how things go.

Thank you all for making me realize that I couldn't just sit back & have it go away.
Debbie