When I look back over the relationships I've had, some of the best sexual experiences I've had were with strangers. I think this is where some of the negative feelings I'm having come from. IDK what it is like for you but, I think sex for me has been only about the physical part. I think the childhood abuse created this split. It is the deeper relationships where the physical and emotional intimacy get tangled up and I really have problems. In the past, I would be OK when the relationship was just physical, but would run when I started to feel an emotional pull or started to feel like the other person was placing expectations on me. Now that I am married with children, I can't run anymore and it is very tough.