I don't think you are a whiny baby at all. That sucks. I really wish your husband would support you. Do you think he would go to therapy with you?
Also, DON'T feel ashamed with your kid. I have a 7 year old and he's the only person in the world who thinks I'm perfect. I bet yours does too. He doesn't care if you don't have a job. I promise he doesn't. As long as you love him and do your best to care for him (especially emotionally), I am certain his image of you is glowing. Kids are FAR more accepting of our flaws than we are and definitely more than other adults. Please don't feel ashamed.
As far as the not talking to the judge thing, I would be the same way OR sometimes I do the exact opposite. I'm terrified, but I know I look insane, so I just start talking and talking and talking and I cannot stop myself. Its a horrible experience. I'll feel my heart race and my chest starts constricting, I can hardly breathe. But I will talk and talk. Arg.
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Originally Posted by tait
Oh my god! I have a problem with authority figures too! I get very anxious around them. As a matter of fact, when I went in for my SSI hearing, the judge intimidated me so much that I couldnt even speak. I couldn't even get a word out. I believe that partly because of this I wasn't approved for it. An Allsup rep was there with me but she barely spoke herself and did not defend my disability well enough.
I am like you. I would always be comparing myself to others that I worked with. I would get depressed because even the fresh out of college kids were not only making more money than me, but doing a far better job at retaining what we were trained to do. I felt so inferior! I've had maybe two really good jobs that paid really well. One of them I got let go from, which was really devastating for me. The other I got laid off from. My husband HAS NOT been very supporting at all. I feel so to blame for the way that I am. We even lost our first house back in 2003 because I couldn't hold a job. I know and feel my husband resents me for it. We have a 9 year old that I am ashamed that I am setting a bad example for. I tried to kill myself earlier this year because of all the guilt and shame. Nothing has changed though. Again, we face losing yet another house. Yet again, being diagnosed with bipolar, I feel I am to blame. If only Social Security hadn't turned me down for a third time we would at least have some more income coming in!! Sorry for being such a whiny baby.
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