Thank you AAAAA, I appreciate your response. And I can appreciate where you are coming from. I did think of all the things you've mentioned. I am a reasonable person and I don't tend to just do things out of hand. I'm very logical and extremely methodical. I didn't call my mom with accusations or anger. I called and attempted to talk to her about this because it is important to me. Its not a situation where my mother has never lied to me. She has lied and lied and lied. And she'll lie when the truth is irrefutable. She'll swear the sky is tie dyed when its clearly blue. Believe me. I've given her so many chances its really pathetic on my part. It makes my pdoc furious because I am not able to untangle myself from my mother that easily. So, regardless of whether my dad is my dad, my mom is hiding something. She doesn't have to tell me, sure, you are right. But there are ways she could have done this to not be so mean and so angry. Say the dude isn't my dad who's listed on the ss records, but his name is there and my mother knows who he is. So its very hard to assume, considering the mountain of lies my mother has told me (and everyone), that this is an impossibility. And, considering all the things she has told me, things you should never tell a kid, I find it hard to believe that this may be an instance of violence or something that is too painful for her to talk about. When I was very young she would tell me about being raped and being abused and many very graphic and horrific things. That sort of thing is like a badge of honor to her. She uses things like that for pity and sympathy. And quite frankly she has out and out lied about abuse and violence to garner sympathy and things. So, no, I don't think this is a case of someone raping her. Of course, this is all complicated and its really impossible to explain it fully. My point is that I do love my mother, even though she is awful. She has hurt me mentally and physically for my entire life, yet I have always tried sooooo hard to make her love me. So no, I'm not just being mean to my mom here.

And I have to say that a person most definitely deserves to know who their parents are. That is my right. I'm sorry if you disagree, but I cannot imagine how you could convince me otherwise. And its not as if I had two great parents or even one great parent. I never knew my dad. So I am not turning my back on a man that raised me because one day i find out someone else is my biological father. I've never had a dad. I think its natural to want to know. A childhood void of love and full of pain creates a person that longs for love. So I am not just being mean or angry here. I want to know. And I am prepared for whatever the consequences may be. There's not much more than can be taken away from me, so I don't know how this could be more painful than the stuff I've already been through.