God I love drugs. They're the only thing I have sometimes.
But then I get really depressed that they're the only thing I have sometimes...
They're like a friend to hang around when you have nothing else to do. And YES, totally distracting from getting important things done.
I'm stuck at a wall.
I've been to 3 mental hospitals in the past 4 months.
They didn't really do anything. Jus threw me in there to wander around bored then kicked me out after 4 or 7 days.
I've been so depressed. N I feel worse when I'm sober.
I'm on anti-depressants now too n they don't really work.
I like being strung out, I like being hungover. I like withdrawal and feeling horrible physically instead of mentally. Cuz it's a distraction from your thoughts. From looking at how pathetic and empty your life is. I like the good n the bad. So I love everything about them. Especially if you feel horrible, then recover. You're happier that day cuz it's like.. "well whatever. screw my emotions right now. I'm NOT puking everywhere n shaking horribly like earlier. I'm happy and thankful for that. Today's awesome. <3"
I'm a part time hobo. Life with my parents sucks n they'll never understand me. I have no money. Little friends. N no set plans for the future. I'm tryin to find a college to transfer to but I have to get up to NY first. I'm kinda stuck here. N life is depressing n empty n pointless. I have no resources n I don't really know what to do. Before I did drugs I was proud of not having to take any meds to deal with myself. Now that I'm on so many psychiatric drugs, it's like well...I have to do drugs one way or another. I can't just be me. =|
I'm diagnosed with PTSD, depression, mood disorder NOS, poly substance abuse, mania, generalized and social anxiety.
I get like diagnosed with a different disorder every day in mental hospitals. The last one tried to label me just bipolar and ADHD. ;/
I don't really trust psychiatrists. N It's not like I can pay to see one anyways.
I'm stuck... I don't even know what's wrong with me. But life is harder than it should be. I know I'm mentally ill but I dunno what to do about it. My drug problem is like...all I have. Cuz it's not like I have the money to do fun things that aren't intoxicating. Or a ride to go anywhere. Or bus money even. Being poor as **** is depressing. I can't think of what to do to replace doing drugs.
