I'm kinda on the other side of the fence. In 1994, I had to leave England, and my wife and kids (daughter 2, son 9 months) and go to back to the states. My then wife gave every reason under the sun why she didn't want to come to the states...and eventually divorced me. All of this wasn't the best time of my life, I assure you.

I found the love of my life at my next station and we married. Had a daughter (and now a son). In 1999, on my Honeymoon, my wife was oh so very kind. My mother gave us a trip to England for it, and my new wife let me not only go see my kids, but came with me (which meant she had to meet the X and all). In 2000 I told my X that my wife and I were planning on coming back to England. For some reason my X went off, told me I wasn't the father of my children and to never contact her or them again. They had a "father", he loved them and treated them well. This totally came out of the blue as my X and I had been in contact, I was paying my child support, calling the kids once a month if not more and sending Christmas and birthday presents every year...as much as I could do being 5000 miles away. I didn't divorce my wife, I don't to this day understand why she divorced me, but that's all in the past. I did all I could do, I was in the military, I couldn't just pack up and be there for my children all the time, and it kills me to this day that I couldn't be. Now, I am here, back in the UK, and have written to my X, with no expectations, and as I thought, nothing came back my way. She even changed my daughter's last name ilegally...and I imagine my son's as well. All this hurts. I was so upset and obssesed with this that for months I was unable to sleep, angry, hurt, whatever.

I love my children, I want them to know me, I feel...in my heart...that I did nothing wrong and don't deserve to be treated like I have. But, I do know my children are happy. I don't know what my X has been saying about me, but apparently it's all bad. My daughter is happy with the name change. As long as they are happy I am happy...but if they ever want to come see me, I would never ever reject them, niether would my wife.

Why am I saying this, becuase you don't know who your real father is, you don't know anything about the situation, you don't know if he loves you but can't contact you, on the flip side you don't know (what others have said) if he was a scum, or even a rapist. But I think it's your right to know either way, he is your father, biologically, and just maybe he's out there missing you. I know how it feels to be the maligned X husband/father, to be treated like crap by the X, and miss and love my children very much. You never know until you know, right? I believe we all have the right to know who are parents are, even if you have a "father" or "mother"...I had a step mom whom I love a lot, but she wasn't my mom, I love my mother too. Just some thoughts I thought I'd put out there.

GL with everything, and God Bless!