hi polly and welcome to pc. thank you for your honesty about your drug use. that is a step in the right direction. for me using d/a only complicated my situation.. it made me feel helpless and hopeless. it sounds like you feel the same way as i did when i used. have u considered asking your parents for help? or attending a 12 step recovery program. they are free for the asking. imho it may help you, jme. there are many of us that have felt as you do now. there is hope. the drugs are telling you what you want to hear or telling you this is the only way for you to live your life. they are only masking the real you. i hope you will get help for your drug useage but only you can decide if you are ready. keep us posted and know that you matter to us.