kmk2009,
I'm sorry for your struggle. Is there any chance her behaviour could be put down to something else? I could be wrong but it sounds like more than pre-menopausal symptoms. I think it's important to have her talk to her doctor. You were asking about talking to friends of family members. Would it be possible to have a chat with your own doctor. Explain the situation and your very real concerns and he might be able to offer you some advice.