You kind of describe where I was in the couple years before marriage. I love my wife and love my kids but wasn't happy much before we got married (kind of like your situation). My wife lived with me for almost five years before we got married. I was cynical also at the time (not as bad as you mentioned above). But there was a catch. I felt I had to get married - rather than having a strong desire to get married. Been married now almost 15 years, two great kids, good home, etc. But, we're definitely different people. We are in much different situation now than before we got married. She's now almost disabled (bad back, headaches all the time, other health issue) and I've let my health go too. We get into disagreements over little things all the time. We don't really have much of a relationship other than our history together.

What I'm trying to say is if you don't have the strength to get out now - when you're married, 10 or 15 years out, you'll look back and think "my life - what happened?" You need to make decisions now that guide your life in the direction you want to go. You shouldn't stay in a relationship because of the other person. Especially if they don't treat you well.

Friends? You deserve friends. Happiness? You deserve happiness. The only way to make it your reality is to ... make it your reality and do what your gut feels is right.