welcome to pc, french empress  !! thank you for feeling comfortable to share with us your despair and your fortitude. u didn't mention if you have a therapist. i found when i was first dx-ed with bpd having a therapist helped me immensely..so much so that i stayed with the same T for 10 years. there are so many coping skills we can learn to offset our bpd. let us know how u're doing and i hope you will find a T, just me. you don't have to do this alone. we're here for you and a T may be a good support system. 
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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