I have to check that a door is closed and locked before I can leave anywhere. Problem is, depending on my stress level, I could check it 3 times or 15 times, thus making me late for a train, bus, work etc. I have to do it even when I am around other people who think I'm NUTS!!!! I have to pull on the doorknob which in turn makes the knobs slightly loose which in turn makes me feel unsafe which in turn makes me pull on the knobs even more.... I have actually pulled knobs off of doors or worse, pulled whole doors out of frames.... I also do this with windows, I barely survive Spring & Summer with all my glass breaking and lock checking. I have a whole ritual of things I say, hand motions and ways I tug/pull/jerk on the doors. And if I get interrupted/distracted, I have to start all over again.

WHY DO I DO THIS? When I was 13 my grandfather would sneak into my bedroom and molest me. I would lock my door and he'd enter through the window... I have NEVER gotten over my security issues. My childhood taught me that evil is determined and that you're never truly safe.

God, I hate myself sometimes....

Of course, I have other OCD that I have absolutely no clue what their origins are. Guess, I'm just a sick puppy.