Here is my dilemma. I love sex, touch, and physical and verbal intimacy. I have been living with my bf for a year and a half and he can barely say "I love you" in person (he writes it in cards) and never initiates verbal praise, compliments or physical intimacy. The only time he tells me he thinks I am beautiful is in cards.

I try to initiate lovemaking, and he rebuffs me. He is never in the mood. He won't even let me give him a no strings attached bj. We have sex less than once every six weeks. The current count is nine weeks, and the time that we had sex before that lasted five minutes. Normally he lasts 15-25 min.

Prior to our relationship I had an adventurous sex life. I enjoyed variety and experimentation. But in order to make this relationship work, I would accept ordinary sex once a week. He has no idea what lovemaking is, and is not interested in becoming educated regarding it.

In his youth, he says he had more than 50 one night stands (we have both been tested for STDs prior to our relationship) We are both 37. He says that in the latter years, he just hasn't been interested. He says the one night stands were more of a conquest and bragging rights thing than a drive thing. He says sex brings him little pleasure.

He has phimosis-- his foreskin will not retract. He sometimes complains that it hurts him after sex, yet he is not at all interested in doing anything about it.

He never initiates sex. He is a terrible tease, in that he shows affection by teasing but never complimenting me.

He touches me, but often only after I am hurting emotionally from the lack of touch. Even then, his sexual touching is more like teasing, and not really sexual. He will jiggle the boobs and my belly (which makes me feel self concious about the belly) and will pat at my vjj as if it were a dog. I have learned to short circuit my turn on because I feel very cranky when I go into a sexual desire mode that is never satisfied.

I have approached him about it often, but he seems to be disinterested in making any change or growth in this area. I have almost left twice now. He begged me to stay.

He does work long hours, which probably doesn't help. I would like him to go see a dr about it, but that seems to be out of the question.

He is even resistant to taking B6, zinc, DHEA or anything natural that might improve his drive. And the B6 would help with his carpal tunnel syndrome and his gout, but he still resists.

I love him, and I know he loves me. I just don't know if he loves me enough to take steps to grow with me in this area. I am his first long term relationship, so I do allow for that, but it is very hard not to take these things personally and to heart.

He is a really generous and fun to be with other than these issues.

Any feed back?