many of us can relate to your using to escape. but what we are really doing is denying ourselves the opportunity to live. jme, but i wasn't really living...i was exisiting, to be chained to the bottle in my case. it dictated everything i did or did not do because i was drinking. i isloated, i lost hope, i became chronically depressed, i lost the meaning of life. life without d/a has so much more meaning to me now. i cherish each and every day. when i was using i could have cared less aout life.
it's good you are posting about this. perhaps you will find the answer i did. clean and sober.
i did utilize a therapist that understood addiction too. he gave me coping skills to understand the issues that made me want to excape things. once we addressed those self sabotaging feelings it helped me stay sober. i replaced those false feelings with real feelings.
please let us know how you are doing cause we do care about you!