Dearest (((orange)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
It is one of the hardest things in life to watch. Your right it sticks with you. The noise is something you never ever forget.
My Dad had one whole lung as your mom. He went the same way. I can tell you his eyes were open, but he himself was not there. The morphine does work. I hope that helps ease it some for you.
My Mom and Father inlaw went some what the same way. I sat with all 3 of them. I understand where you are coming from.
There is nothing i can say to take it away for you.
Yes its called surviors guilt. Your right you could not save her. It was her time.
I felt the same way with all i have lost. It took me forever to come to a place where I knew it was not my fault. ((hope that makes sense))
Im sorry if i went on to much about how i have dealt with it. Its the only way I know how.
I hear your pain. I know you hurt. I wish my magic wand could make it leave. I can't ((((orange)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
please know i care. and you matter very much.
muffy