((((((SS)))))) i can totally understand your fears because his possibly coming back is a big trigger for you. BUT, your physical reaction right now is based on the past, not NOW. it's like you're on auto-pilot. can you grasp the 'here and now" and try to think this thru? intellectually you know you can protect yourself now. emotionally you don't feel that. for once i'd say go with the intellect. for it is truth. you can and will be safe. as sannah said, you are no longer that child. let that empower you to know you are going to be ok. by allowing yourself to be in total fear of him you are giving him the power. the power is YOURS, now, not his anymore.