|
so, right now i am co-dependant with two people and it litreally is my entire focus in life to achieve an impossible relationship with them.
the first person is my college tennis coach. I think she is perfect. it was a 'love at first sight' sorta deal. the minute i laid eyes on her, i knew i was going to the school. I have now been playing for her for..well, since august and i never thought id deal with some of the emotional issues i am with having someone like her so close to me all the time. i push her away when i want her close...i make her so upset sometimes and enjoy it....i want affection from her but cant deal with it when i get it. i get jealous when she talks about her kids. its just a constant battle with myself to deal with her. unless she words a text the right way, i get so upset it ruins my whole day. I've finaly started trusting her and telling her some of my issues with her...and...shes really nice about it...but i dont want her to worry about me...i want to be her friend..which is unattainable (shes 37 and im 18)
The second person is my former high school teacher who i also had a 'love at first site' deal with. showered her with presents....got really upset when her class would end everyday....joined the debate team just to get the spend the weekends with her...I am not nearly as close to her as my tennis coach but i still see her about twice every month and she's finally loosening up around me and we joke and i write 10 pages about our days together in my journal. But she also presents the same issues....doesnt answer a text a certain way and i get upset...i understand shes not a texter, but it still hurts my heart. I just enjoy her presence and wish she enjoyed mine just as much. but she doesnt. and i understand that, but it hurts so much to accept it....
How do u deal with co-dependancy and how can u fix it..because i cant live like this forever. i have 3 more years with her as my coach and everyday is a struggle.
__________________
당신의 사랑은 법률을 위반하고 있었다, 그러나 나는 증인을 필요로 했다 <3
|