Poohbear,

I know I'm new to the boards and folks don't know or trust me yet. That will take time to develop. But I would like to share my thoughts and opinions regarding what you shared.

I too have DID. I relate to the seemingly nonstop depression and chaos--feeling out of control and unable to function. I am so thankful we have gotten past that stage in our recovery. As you and your others work through the memories and trauma, the depression does improve. So I want to encourage you to hang in there. There is hope.

Regarding ETC, and this is my opinion, so take what you like and leave the rest...I really don't recommend ETC. I had a pdoc that wanted us to go through it. I'm so thankful I did not agree to the treatments. Actually we had an advocate that fought on my/our behalf against the treatments. This fellow, who is also a therapist and worked with many DID folk and whose wife also had DID, worked with clients that had ETC treatments and the results were not good. I have spoken with others who lost chunks of memory and had other long-term problems. I know ETC is purported to be safe and effective, but I have heard contrary claims by others wishing it had never been done. It may be beneficial for some.

I don't know your situation, and this is obviously a decision between you and your healthcare professionals, but IMHO it is better to find the source of the depression rather than trying to shock treat it away. It's possible you may have parts that are carrying depression for very specific reasons. If this is the case, then no medication or ETC treatment will resolve the core reason for the depression--at least not until it is addressed.

After refusing the ETC we were then heavily medicated. Despite being on six different psychotropic drugs, which included two antidepressants and an antipsychotic, I still did not get any relief from the depression. I later discovered that my others were pushing the drugs out of my system. (Yes, this is possible!) They wanted nothing to do with mind altering medications (similar type drugs were associated with past abuse). That, and due to the complexities of DID, it's extremely difficult to treat all the symptoms with medications. Also, as more was learned about the disorder, mental health professionals realized medications usually were not affective in managing symptoms associated with DID.

I also relate and understand the cyclical triggering. Something I found helpful was making a list of all the triggers, what causes them to become triggered, and then write out a plan on how to handle the triggers. It also helped to get my others involved in identifying and implementing the various coping strategies. Obviously half the battle is learning how to get system cooperation. I started by attempting to communicate with my others through the use of a journal--writing notes back and forth to everyone. Eventually as the doors of communication opened and trauma had been worked through, we became co-conscious and a working relationship amongst my others developed. It also helped when we got off all medication. My system wasn't fighting against me or all those drugs anymore. It has been 15 years since the medications were stopped, and I do not get those dark ongoing episodic bouts of depression either.

You mentioned concerns about a flirtatious part. If you have a good T(therapist) who is skilled in treating DID, I wouldn't worry too much. It's common to see flirtatious, promiscuous parts in systems. I had one too. A good T will be able to set appropriate healthy boundaries. If you get some system cooperation, you can have some of your others help curtail that part's activities too. Don't do it as a means of punishment however. Otherwise that part may act out in rebellion. It can be a delicate balancing act! LOL

There is so much I could share. I don't want to overwhelm you with a lot of information though, especially since you don't even know me.

You are in my thoughts.

Take care.

flutterby