I don't know if it's right or wrong, people will prolly disagree with me, some may agree *shrug*.

I know you're new to the forums (welcome btw), so you haven't read my story. Short of mine is, my wife of 10yrs, 11yrs together, came home a month ago and said she didn't love me, didn't need me, and there was nothing I could do to fix it. Happy ending, right now we are fine and everything is back to normal (only better). How did I work this? I heard what she said, but also listened. She was right about what I was doing to her and our marriage. I told her I loved her and wasn't just going to give up on us. As each day passes, and I don't do what I was doing to ruin the marriage and her trust/faith in me, it gets better. Two days after she said she wanted a divorce (yes that was said), she said she was pretty sure everything would be ok, but she wouldn't marry me again. The other day I asked her to marry me again and she said yes.

What was the turn around, she gave me an ultimatum actually. She didn't want a divorce, she didn't not love me, she had just had it with my controlling and anger, and because she avoids confrontation, she wouldn't tell me again (she had told me many times, but I didn't listen) because she thought I would go into an anger fit, and when my wife has had it she will chew you up and spit you out, she did.

Why all that? Your wife has some kind of disorder. I am not a psychologist, so I can't diagnose it, but it seems very similar to mine. I have a tremendous fear of abandonment, but my therapist (T), is working me through it. My T is great, and I am very glad I got such a good one. You need to, imho, give her the ultimatum. You have to be careful though, be kind and no fighting. You tell her how much you love her and that you wouldn't ever leave her, but with the way things are going you can't live this way, and if she doesn't get help, either by going to see her own T, or going to marriage counseling, or seeing a T together, you will have to, for the time being, be apart. IMHO, if she does love you, and has a fear of you leaving, she will do it, because she can't get better with just your help. My wife has PTSD, I know all about it, I know her stuck points, I know why she can't do things, and why she does do certain things. I help her with everything she needs help with, and I had to tell her to go. I didn't give her an ultimatum, as I don't do that. But, I did tell her all my feelings, we communicated, she listened and is now getting the help (hopefully) she needs. Your wife needs help. It's not an easy road, by far it's very hard, but you married for better of for worse, in sickness and in health...'til death do you part. Divorce IS the easy way out, and should, IMHO, never be an option (well, there are exceptions yes).

You are going to have to make her sit and listen and talk, again, communication. You are going to have to make her see she needs help, and to keep this marriage together, to keep you, she needs to go get help. Again, maybe I am wrong, but, from my experiences and all I have gone through, this is something I feel in my heart that I can I say.

GL, and God Bless!