((Sparrow)))) i dont mean to sound like everything is so simple... i hear you that you are very afraid, frightened, even angry... you cant live like this and it is not your time to pass from this place yet either...

i know you are working very hard on all matters and stress levels are going thru the ceiling... you can see the need to gain control of this as much as possible...

you need to find a safe place for yourself, first in your mind, then in your physical location... how are you doing?