(((((((((((((((((((everyone))))))))))))))))))

I am drained today, I think I have finally gained a level head and am able to look at my options, and how I am going to handle this.

Nothing is set, he may not be coming back, I think I automatically went into panic mode...but sadly chances are high he will move back down here, my hopes and prayers are that it is in in a few years, so that way I will be gone out of state by that point. The problem is...what if I am not? And my second fear is..what if he does to someone else in our family what he did to me for so many years..I SWEAR to God above, if he ever lays a hand on my sister...

So I am struggling, I feel like, IF he comes back...
I should tell my family..about..what..he has done to me...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself, if he came back and hurt anyone else...
I really wouldn't, because I wasn't the first one he ever hurt, he hurt my half aunt when they we're growing up....and noone believed her..
What if they don't believe me?

I am numb at the moment, defense mechanisms up, the topic gets brought up and I numb out..which is good, I am not snapping and wandering my yard at 2am talking to pine trees.

My second option for if he makes his return, is to RUN LIKE HELL. I have somewhere to go, and it's very far from my current location. I really, the more I think about it, I don't want to do that, it would cause so much chaos, involve me to tell so many lies, and possibly destroy the relationship I have with my parents (which has improved), force me to readjust everything, and I'm not ready for that yet...not yet..but if I have to readjust I can and will. A new life with new beginnings..

I am torn, and I know I shouldn't be working myself into a frenzy, but it's all things to look over, and something that eventually will have to be dealt with. Either to keep running or turn around and face it....
I think I should face it. Talk to T, maybe set up a group session with my parents...or something, I can't hide forever....

I don't know anymore, all I know is that I am grateful for all the hugs and all the care and responses, I need them right now, I can't do this alone..

Sending lots of peaceful thoughts and hugs
Sparrow