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I think it was abuse because you said he was older. I am sorry that that happened to you. These things just can't be let go. These events can mess with our development. These things can be worked through, though, so you can heal and move forward.
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........
I'm an ISFJ
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