[quote=madisgram;955805]((((SS))))) have you contacted your T about this recent situation? have you been working in therapy about ways to cope with what happened to you as a chiild?

I have yet to talk to T about the situation, I am new to therapy and don't know when it is important to call or not, T has been out involved in a court case where she is testifying. And we have been working on what happened to me as a child, we are going to start work on a recovery workbook for sexual abuse victims this summer, she didn't want to throw me for a loop while I was in school. ((((((((Madisgram)))))))

as for inner strength, thank you nwtr, but I can't take full credit for that, I was a wreck last night and was pretty suicidal, I wouldn't be this strong if I didn't have my good friends. Thanks goes to DragonofPain and Free902 for being there for me all day yesterday and always being there, and Coil too, wouldn't be this strong if I didn't have people and my friends, they are my support and bring me back to earth when this bird starts to fly to far off track. I love my dragon brother and my brother bird, and my dear friend Free, I am entierly in gratitude to them for helping me get through the shock of yesterday. ((((Nwtr)))) and thank you for your words of wisdom and your concern, it means a lot and I am always here for you too.

((((((((Sahannah)))))))) I am trying to remain level headed, and I am working on keeping myself open to ideas and options, this is a long fight, and I am making stragties and preparing myself mentally, even at this point if he doesn't move back, it has awakend a healthy dose of fear into me, and it has helped me open my eyes to the fact I hold to much in and hide to much, which in turn helps me poision my relationship with my parents and sister, and other close irl friends that I have kept my story hidden from.

In general I am just coasting, kinda of moving ahead, but numb, very numb, but not in a bad way, just in a way that is keeping me safe and levelheaded, overall I feel good, I have a lot of hope for the future, no matter what happens, and I am grateful for my life, I have people that need me, and I can't give up on them, and I cant' give up on my life, everything is a learning experince, and everything that happens shapes me as the person I am. No matter how bad the storm I will fly through it to the sunlight, I am blessed to have the friends I have, to have the family I have, the biological and the family I have created on my own. and I am forever in debt to this community, I wouldn't be where I was, if I hadn't had found PC, it has blessed me in so many ways, by the people it has brought into my life.

I am scared, and I am weak, but I have strength underneath it all, I am in control, not him, NEVER AGAIN, will he hurt me, or anyone I love, I will be sure of that, and if that means going public, filiing charges (I have unitl I am 23 to do so), or just letting my family know what has happend to me, then I will do it. I am not going to run anymore, I am done running, it is time I stand and fight, in which ever way is appropriate......

Sending peaceful thoughts and hugs to all
Sparrow