Several years ago I was speaking to a dr about the fact that when I am in an uncomfortable situation I would be there physically but not mentally sometimes aware of what was going on and sometimes I was not. He explained to me that it was dissociating. So a recent trauma has me doing it more than ever before and a lot more bad memories to deal with. I finally contacted a psychologist and have an appointment on March 2nd and am terrified about it. My one worry is that when I go I will dissosiate and get no where. So my real issue right now I am struggling with would be some very strange and frightening things that are happening to me. First off I have not been sleeeping if I do start to nod off I get so startled and come out of it sitting up abd feeling like someone is strangling. This doc told she believes I am suffering from depression and PTSD. So I guess that would expplain the sleeping.

So the really strange things are I am total myself in an instant message just chatting then I look up at the screen and see all this typing that that consist of actual words and the person I was chatting with has signed off.....b\c I have freaked then out. I try to read the chat and I see where they continue to ask me to retype what I just said. Now doing this online is not the only time this happens. I recieved a text from one one of my brothers asking me what the help my text was supposed to mean. So I looked at my messages sent ans sure enought jumbles mess. He is not the only one that I have been sending text mesages to like this either. What scares me is other people seeing the stuff I am doing. I trid to play off the text messaages as some form of spam. I am not sure if I am dissociating on a different level or actually falling asleep and doing this stuff. Basically I seem to be even more out of wack since I made an appointment to talk to someone the fear of it has me doing this wierd stuff. I am just worried that I will do something totally out of wack.

This is a little bit of a conversation....maybe seeing it will explain it a little better.

friend (8:17:51 PM): po=mad?
me (8:18:00 PM): no m\room
friend (8:18:16 PM): m/room=?
me (8:18:32 PM): jdut dbst snue eemafnrdee
me (8:19:06 PM): wnna get drubj rii
friend (8:20:26 PM): you need to re-read what you type, correct the typos, and then press send. please. otherwise i can't understand you.

This went on for quite a while....I am just trying to me sense of it becaue it has me very scared that have totally lost my mind.

So again not sure what to make of this and was hoping someone in this forum might have an idea what this is. Honestly I am hoping talking about it and posting it will lessen my worry.