hi "tg"...would u be willing to change your screenname? that would be a good start for you, imho.
it sounds to me that this guy is way too selfish for any good woman. he has himself scattered to the four winds. are u in love with him or in love with being in love? there's a difference. if you decided to get on with your life without him perhaps you could find some peace of mind. and how 'bout your own hubby? is he being denied a good relationship with you as a result of all this? where does he fit in?
i'm not trying to bust your chops on this but that's the reality of the situation. if you have a committment with your husband then committ. if you are unhappy with your spouse, can it be fixed?
this other guy is a loser in my book, jme. make a resolution to yourself to take back your life and get on with it. this guy can offer u absolutely nothing but more of the same....and he's doing it not just to you but many other women at the same time. there's nothing in it for you or for the other women but grief, just my opinion.
glad you are willing to go to therapy. hang in there and once you start, this can discussed. in the meantime i'm glad you posted here. we care about you.