I do think I have been in the situation of doing or saying things in therapy because I wanted to please T, or have him think well of me. I think I have grown enough now not to do it. I think part of it was that I liked him so much, I wanted him to like me. And also that I had a lot of respect for his expertise, so if he suggested I do or say something (e.g. outside of therapy), I would agree and try to do this thing, even if I really didn't want to and it really wasn't a good idea, if I had only listened to my inner voice, my true self. Not too long ago in therapy, T suggested that I should say X to someone outside of therapy. And I told him No, I didn't feel that way, so I wasn't going to lie to this person. He kept pushing on this, and I asked him, "so you want me to say this thing even though I don't feel that way and it would be lying?" And he said, no, he didn't. I ended it and told him that maybe I would be able to do that someday, but I was not there yet. I felt he respected my self knowledge on this--I certainly was not out to please him with my response, or I would have done what he suggested even though it was not a good path at the time. That kind of "resistance" from me let's T know where I am at, so it is helpful to him to hear it, instead of my just pleasingly going along with whatever he suggests, right or wrong. So, yeah, I'm kind of proud I can do things like that now without having to please T and by extension, other people. For me, it has come about with greater sensitivity to my own feelings and a growing inability to not be true to my self. (Sometimes I physically feel like I just cannot do it.) My T says this is greater authenticity. I can't even do or say half the stuff I used to be able to do, because it's not authentic.

Therapy has given me gains in areas I never expected.

Stick with it, Cocunut. It sounds like a great topic for therapy, and I agree, I would find the dream comment confusing. If it's not OK to share dreams with our therapist, then what is? Your T's comment would probably make me very self conscious in therapy, thinking with every sentence I speak, "I wonder if I am trying to please him by saying this," or even more metacognitive: "I wonder if he thinks I am trying to please him when I said that." Aaacckk!