Hello to everyone.. I'm new here.. just signed up yesterday. I'm hoping that here I may be able to find answers to so many questions I have about myself and the people close to me. I too believe I'm a people pleaser. I contantly feel that if I don't go out of my way to help others with what they need, then somehow I've let them down. I'm afraid they'll be dissapointed in me or angry and they'll leave.. I don't know why I feel this way but it's really frustrating me. Sometimes pleasing other people is alot of work. Pleasing your family, friends, coworkers and significant others leaves little or no time to do anything for yourself. I feel as if there aren't enough hours in the day between my job, which takes up 10-12 hours of each day, and then going home to start running errands and doing chores to keep everyone happy. I feel burned out most of the time. It's just so hard for me to say no to people.. especially if I have strong feelings for them. Then, saying no to something they want from me, brings up feelings of fear.. if I say no will they stop loving me? Will they dissapear from my life? I know this sounds absurd and I do try to rationalize these feelings but deep inside there's always this fear of losing the people I care about most. I don't know if this is due to my childhood or my upbringing. I was raised in a "normal" middle class family. Both parents were there. Of couse normal is a very broad term. There were times when things were not easy. My relationship with my mom is to this day a pretty distant one. Perhaps that's a place to start looking for answers as to why I feel the way I do?
Anyway, I'm happy I found this place.. it's comforting to know there are others out there who share the same troubles and have similar difficulties and are making efforts to sort out their lives..
I beleive that pleasing others is a good thing as long as it doesn't drain your life energy and make you unhappy. The difficult part is learning to control your need to do it.