My T has caught me pleasing her and I have caught it myself. Saying something to please her isn't just about pleasing her, it is about something going on with me at the moment.

It can be a defense, a way of making something uncomfortable..comfortable, or way of making ourselves 'look good' when we think we don't, or making the frightening..safer, or an opposite--a cover-up for anger because of a fear of feeling or expressing anger.