No, I knew we were going to slow down, and that was fine. I don't know WHAT happened. Apparently I will do anything to avoid talking about childhood stuff. What I did was a "one-time-event" kind of a thing, so it is over. I can't even imagine what T is thinking. I can't even believe I did it. It was just shocking, and stupid, and painful, and awful, and literally, truly crazy.

H is going out of town tomorrow. I hope I will be okay. T was going to call me. I don't know whether to have him call now or not. I am SO ASHAMED I can't imagine ever talking to or seeing him again. Huh - maybe that's why I did it. If I can't ever talk to or see T again, I can't talk about childhood stuff.

I listened to his message again. I've never heard him be so stern. It's scary.