locust you are having a major battle in your head..... i used to feel the same way. intellectually you know thesse feelings of being unloveable are not true. on a feeling level you feel unloveable. did you know that feelings are not facts? they are based as you stated, on "old tapes" many times and hinder our feelings of self worth.
i'm wondering if you have a therapist? i found it helped me untangle the truths from the non-truths about myself. you have some insight on yourself already. i do believe, imho, that with the help of a T you can get past this stumbling block and realize that you are a person of worth and value. i believe that already about yourself, but as long as you have that "old tape" running it may not be believeable to you.
hope you will keep us posted and if you're not seeing a T consider seeing one so you can get past these feelings of inadequacy.
thanks for feeling comfortable posting about this with us. we do care and you do matter!!