I was diagnosed DDNOS three years ago. I have always perceived myself in parts and pieces, some of which I know better than others, but I've always felt I knew of all my parts.

Until recently.

I am familiar with losing time, particularly during times of pressure I float in and out. But lately, I lose extraordinary amounts of time, hours upon hours, full days or nights, and I have no recall whatsoever for these huge chunks of time. When I "come to" myself, I feel as though I've come out of anesthesia. There is Nothing. Blank.

My husband has recounted to me behavior that is outrageous and does not fit with any part of me.

Last week I snapped out of it to find myself fifteen miles out of town, on a dirt road, lost. I've lost driving privileges, both an aggravation and a relief.

Where do I go when this happens? How can this be happening now? I ask my T and get a textbook definition of trauma and dissociation which is not helpful. She does not understand my fear.

Please, if anyone has an answer or comment I appreciate it.

--Linni