Hullo Cindy Renee' ... obviously this is not going to "go away" for you, and you are unable, and/or unwilling to deny your inner feelings. The truth is that the whole scope of gender and sexuality is simply the result of two things. Genetics and enviornment. Most of the time, genetics puts a person together in an average fashion with what is called a "normal" set of characteristics. (a generalized pattern of most frequent outcome) Other times a person is put together in a slightly different combination. You fall into the later catagory and what needs to be discovered is whether this is genetic or enviornmental. If it is genetic, no amount of "corrective therapy" will make it go away ... (although it is possible, if you choose, to overwrite your desire by using refusual to subit to your condition each time it comes up; religious dogma is very useful achomplishing this: If you can decide to believe that your God rules this as wrong, and that belief, that will act as a stopping point where you simply refuse to "go there" ... one could also use a desire to keep your marriage intact in the same way ... each time you begin to feel that feminine side, you remind yourself that giving in will ruin your marriage. It will have the same effect as any religious doctrine. the thing that works here, is your decision to deny it a place in your life. You will pay a price though, unless you make it a "wrong thing" by your "principles" long enough for it to become a permanent part of your psyche.) But, no matter what you decide, you will have to think about how to cope with who you are; i.e. live in denial, live a life of duality (one hidden, one open), find ways to express yourself without changing your current lifestyle and marriage and etc.
There are some really important things to consider here. First, because the greater part of humanity has not accepted that this sort of life condition is perfectly natural, you will experience much discrimination if you decide to "come out" and take a stand by presenting yourself as you really are. You have to know that this gender contrast has the potential to cost you your job, your marriage, your children, your place in society. This is the hard reality. Yes there are many who accept non-heterosexual existence, but because this number is not "mainstream" you will need to adjust yourself to that fact.
Only you can know if what you are feeling is "gender dysphoria" (feeling betrayed by your physical gender state) or if it is a sexual issue, but it is wise to contact a professional to assist you with this. If it is purely a sexual issue, you will be very aroused by your "cross dressing", which is also often connected with exhibitionism (making a public display as a means of gratification).
If you are transgendered, you will have a strong desire to "become a female" and will not be able to avoid the constant reminder that your body does not feel and look "right" for who you believe you are. (this is a very short and general description of a very complex issue) ... again, it is best to consult professional who knows about such things before you do anything that cannot be reversed. Even so, if you really are a "trangendered" being, nothing anyone says will change that ...
Do not be upset with your wife. Remember, she is a subject of "standard values" and while she may have been OK with it a first, the situation has changed because this now will pertain to the children as well. American society does not well tolerate anything other than a male-female heterosexual based household, or at the minimum, a single heterosexual parent. Sorry, but that is the current bias ... no it is not the only way "life" exists, but remember, this is a society with certain beliefs that require the masses to comply. If they do not, or cannot, they will be ostracised, discriminated against and mistreated. Probably, your wife does not know how to cope with this anywhere but in the privacy of the bedroom ... you need to become educated about your condition, not just for your own well being, but so that you may be able to help your wife too.
Sexuality can be very complicated ... for instance: You have now had sexual interaction with both genders ... do you have a preference? Perhaps your nature is bi-sexual, in that you can become aroused and "enjoy" sex with either gender. This would not indicate gender because it is sexual in nature. If you continually imagine yourself in a sexual encounter as a female with your partner, then you probably "cross gendered" and you need to decide what to do about that, if anything.
It is also possible that you are a male cross dresser ... this is another facet of sexuality that does not provoke one with a desire to have corrective surgery, although crossdessers do sometimes get "beast implants" or take estrogen to induce breast development and alter their physical shape. Do you see that this is more complicate than you thought?
I will break off here ... as you can see, this cannot be dealt with by a quick and easy answer because the results of your decision can change your lfe. Please, if you can afford it, try to find a specialist in your area who is educated in gender and non-heterosexual issues. Society is getting more relaxed on this issue and there is help available ... make this effort before you do anything that could possibly ruin your life and you come to wish you had not done this haphazardly ...
FYI I am a 64 year old male to female, pre-op transsexual. I have lived "out" as my female self for over ten years now after years of "living a lie." I know what this can cost you ... I am qualified only by my own experience to assist, but (!) I am not a Doctor. My path has been very difficult and still is ... believe me when I say, consider this very carefully ... not because you are a losser, a freak, a reject or anything else ... what you are is real, but ... that does not change where you live. Humans are still far too caught up in old ideas and taboos and while I fully understand your state of life, you must recognize that despite all the claims humans make about self discovery, honor, growth, etc. there is always a price to be paid for anything outside of standard social/religious/national conformity. Government cannot legislate acceptance ... it is up to each individual to accept reality for what it is ... "All humans are equal members of the species." but, not all are willing to change ...
talk to me ...
love marie