I have a problem with extreme views and mannerisms affecting many areas of my life. I either fully accept someone, or not at all. There is no in between. No middle of the road.

I've noticed a tendency that I've always had, and am curious if this is a symptom of BPD, or if all types of people have this problem. I become very attached to a very small group of people. I avoid sharing much of my true thoughts and feelings with them, as I fear losing them. So, I hold it inside.

There are a couple of doctors that I see regularly - one psychiatric & one neurological - in which I have a strong attachment to. As a result, I often feel turmoil when a visit with one is coming up. I want them to like me, and think that I'm a good person. I know, it's stupid - they're doctors! But, I cannot get those thoughts and fears out of me. I've felt this way towards other professionals and a couple of mentors in the past, and often fought paranoia that I was going to lose them. Then, I just let go of them suddenly and kept going - never really looking back.

I see the psychiatrist every month and the epileptologist (neuro specialist) every few months. I always struggle with constant questions of whether I should or shouldn't contact doctors - for illnesses, seizures, emotional breakdowns, etc. The effect of my paranoia can be rather significant. I end up making poor decisions (not going or calling when I should).

Does this make any sense?? Sorry about the ramble. It's a tendency of mine, sorry.
Shez