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genn · Feb 25, 2009, 03:39 PM

((((((((((((((((poohbear))))))))))

I know how hard is to be on your situation hun. I am on it all day.
I have problems getting connect to my alters,so I end been in another places, doing things that make me feel embarrast, or just sayings thing that got myself in trouble .

I am also receving therapy tryng to overcome all of this. Do not give up hun. The important thing is that you are working on it. Hope everything will get better . Let me know how we can help.

tc hun
genn

Quote:

Originally Posted by Poohbear13

I am not sure if this is appropriate to share but I need feedback so here it goes..............

Over the last several weeks life has been getting more and more difficult to deal with. My depression, anxiety, and dissociation have been getting worse. First off I am working with 2 new therapist that are working together to help me. My parts are getting to know them and it has not been easy. My parts have been coming out and taking over. I recently found out that I have a part that I did not know about and when he is out it is just like living my abuse all over again. As you can image this brings more triggers and the cycle of triggers and dissociation starts.

Another part, Toni, is a 16 yo female who loves to hook up with men. I have been working exceptationally hard to keep her from hook up with anyone. I don't have internet access at home so she can't hook up with anyone on the internet. Instead I come to the public library with my computer and do what I need to do here. I have found myself in places that I don't have any idea how I got there. Toni has been driving me around town and I become aware of it before she does something stupid. I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this. Tomorrow she is going to meet one of the new therapist and he is male. I am scare to see what she does. I am really afraid she is going to hit on him and I will get embarassed and not sure if I can see him again if this happens.

Another part is a 6 yo who doesn't talk. She just comes out and cries or I feel overwhelming feelings of fear and anxiety from her. My therapist had me make a mandela last week and asked that I use it to keep all of them to contained.

I am just feeling out of control and my depression increases when I feel out of control. I am currently taking ECT treatments for my depression because drugs have not worked in the past. I am currently getting ECT every other week. I am about to contact my pdoc to see if we can increase them to weekly because I can't seem to get myself out of bed to do things. I really push myself and find I have no will power anymore. All I want to do is stay in bed or check my messages and go home to bed.

I hope I am making some kind of sense because it is not making sense to me. I feel crazy and out of sorts. I definitely don't feel human or like myself. Am i going crazy?